imposter syndrome

around me there are always confident people, the ones who take the initiative to explain things, who’ll argue and tell you they can do anything, that something is easy. at first i thought ok, these people are good, smart. but with time i saw through the fog: they’re not as good as i imagined. they think they’re good because they know the abc of something, or had a bit of experience… and sometimes nothing at all, just confidence. and me? sometimes i know more than them, but i keep questioning myself, and i feel like i should do more just to have 50% of their confidence. (and i don’t think i have a confidence problem. it’s just how i think. my bar for saying i “know” something is high.)

i always hear people say you should get over your fears, that you’re just overthinking, that you’re wasting opportunities, because other people are landing jobs just by believing in themselves.

i think this shiny idea that gives you peace and comfort is a trap. why? because the ideas that destroy someone are never the wrong ones, they’re the ones that have some truth in them.

landing a job and taking opportunities is one thing; what you think and believe about yourself is another. this toxic positivity of “fighting” imposter syndrome hands people the “you are good enough” drug, and that can make you rest and stagnate.

yes, sometimes it’s true, but for most people it isn’t, because most people aren’t that good. so they should feel the imposter syndrome. instead of telling them to ignore it and look in the mirror and say “i’m good enough,” i’d rather fix the problem at its origin: close the gaps, learn the fundamentals, actually become good enough instead of just convincing yourself that you are good.

if you don’t take the “drug,” you’ll work hard, and one day you’ll look back and accept that you’ll never feel that comfort. yes, even if you’re good, you’ll always feel you should do more. maybe imposter syndrome is just something to live with. and i think that’s healthy, as long as it keeps pushing you to work and to get better.

questions i asked myself while thinking about this: do i have imposter syndrome? yes. do i suffer? no. does it push me to work more? yes. is that healthy? yes.

so listen to your imposter syndrome and do more. maybe you’re good enough compared to your surroundings, or for a certain job, but there’s always room for improvement, and there’s always a better version of yourself you can reach. (this reminds me of the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once. great film, i recommend it. i’ll try to recommend movies, books, and other things regularly.)

the end.

ak